


Brand New Light

by padawanwriter



Category: Han Solo - Fandom, Rey - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Princess Leia (Comics), hanleia - Fandom
Genre: AU, Baby, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Rey Solo AU, Second Pregnancy, Star Wars fanfic, surprise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-04-06 19:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19068775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padawanwriter/pseuds/padawanwriter
Summary: Leia is pregnant again, in the middle of all the crisis a Force-sensitive ten-year-old boy could cause.(AU) If Rey was a Skywalker, that would be how her family would wait for her.





	1. Big, enormous surprise

Leia was in her office, alone. She could feel the heat of the afternoon suns on her skin, while she read this impossibly long document. Her finger slid over the datapad screen over and over — the time seemed like was passing in slow motion...  
There was so much silence in the room that she could hear her own paced breath. Her stomach turned, her head spinned. It was so hot! She thought, getting up to pick a glass of water.   
She drank slowly, silently. Her throat was the only sound to be heard, a careful sound, the cold water refreshing her troubled stomach.  
She was like that, lately. It must be this heatwave... The temperatures were very high at the beginning of this year.   
Leia looked at her desk. A little messy, she could admit, and smiled when sat her eyes on the holo of her, Ben, and Han. He was eight years old, now he's already ten. The time really flies.   
They're laughing at Han, who slipped in some kind of oil that was on the Falcon's floor. He didn't fell out, but that way was even more funny to them. Chewie took the picture, unnoticed, and it ended up being one of her favorites.  
Oh my goodness, he's already ten.  
She thought it, again. It was hard to believe. But at the same time she was proud of her grown up, pretty responsible and sweet boy.   
They both are.  
That insisting feeling of nausea was still there when she turned to the big window of the room, looking for the breeze that messed her meticulous hair up. The wind smoothed her face while she walked over the balcony; her hands crossed in front of her waist, like she was hugging herself.   
A deep, mournful sigh escaped her lips while she noticed that strange (but not so unfamiliar) feeling. A sigh so deep that made her body curve over her arms, almost reverently and shamefully.   
— I am pregnant again.  
She said in a whisper, maybe she would believe it if she said it. And she was all alone, after all. Or, actually, maybe not.  
(...)  
Leia walked over the wooden floor of her home, tossing her shoes off and letting them there. Oh, she was so tired. Emotionally and physically. Her mind was about to explode with so many assumptions.  
She was in her thirties. Her husband in his forties. Her son was ten. Oh, Kriff, why is this happening?!  
She was so busy with her own thoughts that she didn't even noticed Ben coming closer to her, running like a crazy boy, and coming fast for a big hug. He jumped over her waist. She caught him, automatically, and held him up on her arms.  
— Hello, there! — Ben said, trying to impersonate someone very adult. Leia laughed.  
— Hello, little bandit. How was your day?  
— It was GREAT! We learned about ancient history and the Clone Wars, and everything! It was like... — he waved his hands, mimicking na explosion. Her mom smoothed his dark and curled hair, and kissed his cheek.  
— Thats good, Ben. Ancient history was one of my favorite subjects when I was your age... I can tell you one of the stories your grandpa told me before you go to bed. Now... Where's your dad?  
— He told me to delay you the maximum that I could. — Ben smiled. A crooked smile like his father's.  
— Very interesting. Now... — she put her son down. He was getting heavy, and Leia figured that maybe her days of lifting Ben in her arms was passing so she enjoyed every single time.  
— Can you please help us with the dinner?  
— Yes, mommy.  
(...)  
Leia glanced at the clock and then at Han. — I'm going to bed.  
— Already? Are you okay, sweetheart?  
She wanted so badly to say "No, and there's nothing you can do to help me." But she simply murmured. — Yes, I am.   
Han gave her a suspicious look and kissed her lips lightly, then went to the living room to play with Ben. The boy was energetic, throwing his ships on the walls and jumping on the couch. Solo mentally noted that he should take Ben to the park at the weekend, unless he wanted Leia to scream at him about their son's need to be outside.  
Leia... She was acting like she was trying to hide how upset or tired she was. Han knew that. He knew almost every little piece of his wife's complex personality. He knew, also, that pushing her to talk wasn't a good thing, so he continued to play with his untired son for a long, good time. It calmed Han down, and his kid loved to play with his dad, pretending to be scoundrels running from the bad guys (Jabba, of course, who his amazingly strong mother fiercely defeated).  
— Alright, Ben. Go take a shower, it's getting late.  
— Ughhh, but I bathed yesterday! And I barely played outside today!  
— I knoooow! It's an unfair rule, but if you want to sleep in that bed of yours, you must take a shower, go, go... — Han Solo smiled and tapped his son's back to hurry him up. He ran to the stars and closed his bedroom door.  
Solo sighed and went to their room. Expecting to find Leia asleep, he entered the bedroom without making any sound. Leia was sitting on her computer, the dim light of the device illuminated her face on a blunt tone.  
— Hey. — she greeted.   
— I thought you might be sleeping.  
— I tried to. — Leia smiled faintly.  
— Ben's bathing.   
— Good... Did he complained about it? — she asked.  
— Always... — Solo answered with a short laugh. After a moment of silence, he continued. — It's a bit late. I'll get him to bed and...  
— No, relax. I'll do it. I've promised him to tell one of my father's stories about the war.  
— Okay, then.   
Leia left the room, a little dizzy and lightheaded, and went to her son's room, where he jumped on the bed, with his star-themed pants and no shirt. His dark curled hair falling up, and down, up, and down...   
He was the cutest thing in the world, she thought while observing her beautiful boy, quietly enjoying the feeling of flying for just a second.   
He looked at her eyes and smiled, his chubby cheeks reddening, suddenly. — Are you going to tell me a story, momma?  
— Yes, baby. I promised, didn't I?  
— Yeah. — he stopped and kneeled on the bed, moving closer to her. She ran her right hand over his face, straightening a lock of hair behind his ear. Ben quickly returned his hair to it's place to cover what the boys from school called "his huge ears".  
— They're bothering you with this again? — she asked with concern.  
— No, mom... It's just... They are right.   
— No, they aren't! Ben... Look at me. — she touched his chin lightly and he stared at her big brown eyes. — I am impossibly short. Your father is tall as hell, and he has a scruffy hair since he was your age. And how about Chewie?! Chewie is covered with fur! — Ben laughed at his mother's tone. — Ben... We all have our weirdness. We have to embrace it, to make fun of it... If... If our life wasn't funny it would just be...   
— True? — Ben smiled at her, timidly.  
— Yes! And that is unacceptable!   
— Okay! Okay, mom! — he laughed and hugged her tightly. She kissed the crown of his head.  
— I love you. — Leia whispered.  
— I know. — her son responded, slipping his hands over her waist. His expression changed ever so slightly, and he looked at her again.  
— Mom?   
— Yes?  
— Are you alright?  
— I'm fine, just a little tired. Now go brush your teeth, I'll tell your story.  
— But I've already brushed my teeth!  
— Yesterday. Nice try. — she made a motherly face to him, a face she'd developed for occasions just like this.  
He ran, and came back in no time. Leia nestled him in her arms and told him about his grandfather, Bail Organa. A great viceroy, a great man, and a great father.   
He listened attentively and was mesmerized by all the action he'd experienced. The shipps, clones, the lightsabers and the fight — good against evil. She told him about the politics as well, and he yawned, embracing her further and telling her to continue.  
— It's late, little bandit. You have to sleep eight hours at night If you want to grow up.  
— Yeah, I know... — he made that cute face for her, and she almost brought him to her bed, but she had to give him limits, so...  
— Mommy, I'm feeling weird.  
— Weird? — Leia asked, fluffing his hair.  
— It's like... A fog. In my mind.  
— Hmmm... — she definitely understood that feeling, and perhaps she was the reason he felt this way. Their connection was so deep and beautiful, indeed. Maybe too deep...  
— There's something I can't get. — The boy said, closing his eyes and furrowing his brow in deep concentration.  
— What is it sweetie? — she was asking even though she knew the answer. Leia wanted to hide this for the longest she could, it was so very new and terrifying, but her son seemed to feel the growing life within her body. She shivered when he opened his eyes.  
— There's a light. Very small. It's close and it feels... Warm.  
— Oh... Really? — she asked, her voice betraying the knot in her throat. Ben's little fingers reached for her hip as he caressed her back lightly.   
— Are you afraid, mom?  
— Afraid of what?  
— Of the light.   
Ben caught her completely off guard and she just smiled weakly, fighting the tears she wanted so desperately to pour. Leia kissed Ben's forehead and felt his confusion. — I think I'm a little afraid of how you will feel about this light, kid. — she said simply, knowing that he would not fully understand but somehow be satisfied with the answer.  
Ben Solo was the most sensible human being she'd ever seen. He said nothing, just squeezed her hand reassuringly and closed his eyes.  
— Good night, mommy.  
— Good night, son. — she whispered, letting the tears trickle down her eyes. Leia looked over her shoulder and found Han's eyes, amazed and concerned in a locked gaze. She walked towards him and then closed the door behind them. She tried so hard not to cry but she couldn't trust herself — not at this moment.   
She kept thinking of how Han would hate this and how she was not happy with it. Her son was so young and needed so much care, and...  
Leia looked at her husband, starring at her, patiently waiting for her to look at him.  
— Ben is...  
— Fine. He's fine, Han.  
— Look, I understand that you have your concerns about his bloodline end everything, but... Look at him! The boy is the sweetest thing in the world. — Solo said, holding her hands.  
— I know that. He's... Perfect. Unique.   
— So what's the matter, sweetheart? — he asked almost begging her to talk. Han looked deeply in Leia's eyes and saw that look. That frightened look he saw just one time in his life. He didn't blink, just read her deep brown eyes and then, after a long moment, he touched her arm. — Are you...  
— Yes.  
Her voice was even deeper than her worried gaze. She avoided his eyes for a second, afraid to see how he would react.   
When she looked at him she saw the same concerned face. Han sighed softly, almost smiling. Leia felt her stomach twist.  
— Oh, Leia... — Solo just held her tightly for what it felt like a lifetime. She silently cried in his arms, and he didn't smiled or felt panic... He just held her.  
— I am sorry, Han, I...  
— Shhh, it's okay. I'm with you here, I'm not going anywhere.  
— I know. — she whispered, a little more calmly.  
They went to their room. Han walked to the bathroom and Leia sat on the bed. Both hands on her face. She was feeling terrible.   
She felt emotionally drained and fiscally... Well... Pregnant. Sick. Hating all smells around her. Sore. Irritated and underneath all that she had the motherly urge to take care of herself to keep nurturing the little mistake growing in her womb.  
— I'm a terrible person. — she said, out of nowhere.  
— You're not. You need time. I need time, too. — Han said, sitting at her side.  
— Uhhhh, I'm going to be sick. — She got up and walked around, breathing heavily and smoothing her abdomen.  
— Calm down. The world isn't ending.  
— Yes it is. Yes it is, Han. Our son needs us and we're having another one. Another person who will need us to carry through life, to teach and love and... I don't think I can do this.  
— Leia... — he touched her hand and she avoided him.  
— Don't. Please. I have to handle this by myself.  
— No you don't. Look... This is fifty percent on me, sweetheart.   
She looked at him for a second, then ran to the bathroom, but she ended up vomiting on the bathroom sink. She was definitely feeling terrible.  
— Go take a shower. I'll clean it up. — Han said simply. She slid her clothes off and he couldn't avoid to gaze at her stomach, already showing the softest of swells. She caught his eyes and sighed.   
She took a long shower, seeming to want her thoughs to go away with the flowing hot water. But her hands reached for her ribs, her hot skin breathing into life as she emerged on her feelings. Oh, Force, why so invasive and revealing? She always thought... Leia felt scared, but warm. Very warm and safe as she reached for what was within. The tiny little thing forming there, already so kind and loving. How the hell it could have that, Leia didn't know, but her feelings never lied. Not like that.  
Part of her was already so in love with the idea of a little baby in her arms. But she was too rational to listen to that voice.  
Still... Looking at her almost flat stomach, she felt her heart pound a little faster. The water continued to fall over her neck, hot and heavy, massaging her tense muscles. She felt Ben, sleeping, and then closed her eyes and reached for what was inside her once more. It was so small and so bright, and it felt so, so innocent and sweet like a perfume, vague and exotic, like her own and Han's at the same time, but very unlikely Ben's. It was something else, someone new. Leia was terrified but her heart was melted, already.   
Han sat on the bed and waited for her. This morning the life was so much simpler! He thought. Maybe be was thrilled, maybe not. He didn't knew yet. Solo didn't cared about it for now, he just wanted to make sure Leia was alright. The door opened and his hazel eyes met hers.  
Leia could see the lines over his face, caused by the old time worries and for the more recent ones, but his mouth still twisted in the same crooked smile she loved so much. Han wrapped her in his arms and looked tenderly at Leia's face. She was so afraid and yet so confused... His hands ran gently over the slightest rinkles at the side of her eyes, wet with tears. She laid her head on Han's chest and the time seemed to stop.  
— Maybe you're n...  
— No, Han. It's here. — Leia replied, her voice muffled by his shirt.  
— What do you wanna do? — he asked and she turned to look at him with a concerned expression.  
— Cry. — She almost laughed. Han sighed softly and kissed the crown of her head. She would be alright, he was sure.   
They're wrapped in each other's arms, listening their heartbeats when Leia felt his presence, concerned and sleepy. — Is everything okay?   
Ben asked, getting close and being pulled in the hug by his father.  
— Yes, Ben.  
— So why is momma crying? — he asked simply. Leia held a lock of his hair between her fingers and whispered.  
— It's... A little complicated, my love. We'll talk about it in the morning. But I'm okay. — She kissed his cheek for a little more than a second and smiled reassuringly. — Dad will put you on bed.  
Han gave him a little smile who said "your mother is right, trust her", and then disappeared with the boy on the other room. Han wanted to tell him right away but... He didn't know. He had to make sure Leia was okay first, and by the way, she wasn't.  
When he came back he found her at the balcony, wrapped in her robe.  
— You know. I feel bad because I'm not thrilled about this. — she said, still looking forward.  
— You don't have to. You are a human, and it was a big, enormous surprise.   
— I know, Han. But... I don't know.  
He laughed quietly and wrapped his hands around her waist. — When was the last time you had a big, enormous surprise after all, sweetheart?  
— When you bought this house, maybe. Or when Ben broke every single plate of this house in the same moment. — Leia laughed and turned at him.  
— Maybe this is just a beautiful, big and enormous surprise that we'll laugh about later.  
— I hope it's not so big and enormous, then... — she joked and he wanted to marry her all over again.  
— I love you.  
— I know.   
— We'll be fine.  
— I hope.


	2. Oh, Kriff!

— Look, this shouldn't be so easy. — Leia said, tilting her body over the meeting table to reach for her second datapad.  
— I agree. — Mon Mothma said, frowning. — It was very hard to establish the parameters of planetary disarmament. We can't just throw it all up because of this disagreement. It just don't make sense in a political way.  
— And in any other way... — Leia added. When Mothma smiled to her for a brief moment she felt warm, and smiled back.  
— Lelila... Should we make a pause?   
— Oh, please, I'm starving! — she got up and reached for her kaff machine in a automatic movement, but she picked one of the few Alderaniaan teas left. Han brought this years ago, and it was something that she saved for some ocasions, because it smelled and tasted like home. Like Aldera, the palace, and her mother.  
Oh, damn hormones. She thought, feeling the hot tear threatening to slid down to her cheek.  
She was thinking intensely about her mother over the past few weeks. She didn't controled it... When she was playing with Ben she thought about all the ways her momma made her discover herself during her childhood — she was always teaching her something new, everyday. Not just useful things like how to rule a planet, but how to make yourself happy when you're not.   
When she was getting herself ready for bed she thought about how good she would be as a grandma, and Bail as a grandfather for Ben... And... To both of them, now.  
And then Leia would catch herself thinking about how Mon was her last family. Since Riekan had died, three years ago, this thought always hovered through her mind, because Mon essentially knew her since the beginning of everything, since she was a kid. She was like a mother to her...   
Again — damn hormones.  
— Leia, why are you crying? — she ventured, getting up quickly and turning to see Leia even more closely. The princess shook her head after taking a moment to admire her mentor's wise face; her worried expression and kindness beneath all that.  
— I'm okay. Really.   
— Well... You do look very good, but... You...  
— I need to tell you something, Mon. And you are probably going to kill me, but... Ah... I'll need to get a maternity leave. Again. Soon. But not so. . .Soon.  
The woman stood there, looking vaguely at Leia's face while she processed what she thought she just heard... — Well... That's a surprise.  
— Yeah, it was for me, too. — Leia added. Her first word came out as a bitter laught.  
— Congratulations, then. — Mon said warmly, and Leia could sense the surprise and joy in her. — How are you feeling?  
— That question is a little hard to answer. — She paused, but Mon simply waited. — I don't... I... Didn't. Want this. It wasn't supposed to be happening. — she sighed heavily, and cupped the mug with her trembling hands.  
— And Han? — Mothma asked, getting simply na exhale from Leia.  
— He's not the one carrying it. So it's pretty simple for him.  
— And Ben? And, before you say anything, I know I'm being repetitive. — Leia smiled bitterly.  
— Well...

In the next morning, she awoke ten minutes earlier and opened her eyes to see her boy standing in front of her.  
— Oh, KRIFF! UH... BEN! Oh... My... You... You scared me! For Aldera's sake... You scared me.  
— Oh! Mom, sorry! Sorry! Are you mad? — the boy said without even breathing through his words after shaking his hands surprisingly at his mother's screaming. Han also screamed from the kitchen downstairs.  
— Is everything alright?!  
— YES! — They both replied at the same time.  
Leia took a second to catch her breath, then looked at Ben.  
— No.  
— What?  
— I am not mad at you, Ben. — He smiled. — But why were you at my bedside like that?   
— Because you said... — he hesitated for a second.  
— Oh, yes. I was crying and you got worried.   
He nodded and Leia thought about how lucky she was, and how strangely wonderful that was now, and it was going to be for ever. That boy came out of her, and that was crazy. To this day, it was still craziness.  
— Ben... Look... You are a big boy now. Right?  
— Yes I am, momma.  
— Good. Because I need you to be mature about this. And understanding. Okay?  
— Okay. You're scaring me, momma.  
— I'm sorry. You don't need to be. I am... Pregnant. Ben. Do you know what that means?  
— That you are... That... I don't...  
— You're gonna be a big brother. — Her heart never pounded so fast, maybe.  
— Ow... You are going to have... A baby?  
— Yes.   
He was silent, and Leia discovered that her heart could pound even faster. Ben appeared to be thinking, so she waited as patiently as she could.  
— Okay. — Ben said. His face was unreadable, still, but she could read him like no one else could. He was confused, and just a little sad. Leia hugged him tightly and closed her eyes.  
— We're going to be alright, baby. I will never fail to pay attention to you, I will never leave your needs aside, I will always be here. I promise. — she said in his ear, and she felt scared... a failure.   
Not now, not now, why now?  
It can't be now.   
He's... He's not okay.  
Leia always thought, even that she didn't want to. She sensed a little too late that Ben was scared too, as the bedside lamp smashed through the wall.  
— I am sorry! Sorry! I was not...  
— Calm down. It's okay. It was an accident.  
— But uncle Luke says...  
— I know what he says, but stay calm. Everything is okay, just breathe. — She demanded softly, putting her palm over his chest and inhaling deeply just like him. She felt nauseous, so nauseous that she thought she'd faint, but Ben was there, completely scared and sad, looking at her through his dark brown eyes that she thought were the most beautiful things she'd ever seen.  
Han came fast, and peered over the floor. He smartly didn't said anything, just sat down at the bed, wrapping his big arms around the most precious things in his whole life. His large hand gently smoothed Ben's back while his mind raced. For a second, he felt desperate; but in this one second her wife grabbed his free hand strongly.

Mon listened attentively, and sighed... She put her hand over Leia's shoulder. — I wish I could help, but...  
— Yeah, I know. — she was crying again, SITH!  
— You are wise, and you're raising him well... Just take time. Maybe if he used his gift with a purpose... He'd control it better.  
— These are my thoughts, everyday. But... — she froze, like always, when it came to the subject of her genes. Her powerful and deadly genetic heritage.  
— I won't tell you what to do, it's not my role here. But I'm here for you, my dear, if you want to work from home for a few months, or just... Talk. I'll be here.  
— Thank you. — Leia said as she hugged Mothma in a way she didn't do in a long time.   
— You know, I'm old... — Mon said after they returned to their tea (and Leia to the cookie jar, also).  
— Oh, don't be dramatic. — Leia said with a smile.  
— But I am! And someday I'll probably retire. Like when I'm 190 years old. — she joked. — And when the day comes... I hope you take my place.  
After a moment of reverie, the princess said: — I don't want that. I don't want you to retire, or to be alone in here... But I'll do anything you ask me.  
— Bail and Breha would be so proud of the woman you became...   
Mon grabbed Leia's hands and gazed at her crimson dress, more specifically at the thin line over her abdomen, marking ever so slightly the top of the curve that was slowly showing.  
— Anyone can see if it's looking for it, but if I don't say, no one will ask.   
— Exactly. — She smiled and reached out with her hand to place over the fabric, feeling the firm bump underneath. — Already like that? How far along?  
— Three and a half, maybe. I think I'll explode by thirty. — Leia said with a concerned smile and looked down.

— How was school? — Han asked, catching Ben's backpack and removing it from his shoulders. They walked a little before he answered.  
— Fine.  
— Why "fine"?   
— Heh... Because it was. — Ben scoffed, just like his dad.  
— Those boys... Are they bothering you again?  
— No, dad! I am the one who doesn't like anybody! I am a weirdo, and I push people away from me because I WANT to be alone! – he screamed very loudly. Han stopped and knelled in front of him.  
— Okay, that wasn't nice. You don't have to be sarcastic with me, Ben. I understand you.   
— Do you? — he asked, wroth.  
— Everyone hated me. They'd beat me up and laugh about it for a week, okay? But you have to be better then them.  
— How?  
— Ignore them. I know you'll still be mad, or sad, but don't let them win. You have us, me, your mother, Chewie, Luke, and you do have friends.   
— No, I don't.  
— How about Dameron? Or Paaava?  
— They're nice... But they're older.  
— You don't have to be friends with people who have the same age as you, son! I'm 140 years younger than Uncle Chewie! — with that, Ben laughed and Han hugged him.  
— Thanks, dad.

Ben ran over the yard and opened the door. He jumped over Leia at the couch with a little more speed that he was supposed to.  
— Ouch.  
— Ben Solo, be gentle with your mother. No jumping.  
— Yeah, kiddo, no jumping. — Leia agreed with a tight voice, after all he gave her a strong nudge in the rib.   
— Sooorry...   
— It's okay. How was your day?  
— Fine. Can you call Paava and Dameron to come play this weekend? — behind him, Han nodded vigorously.  
— Yes, love, sure. Now go wash your hands, 3PO is making lunch.  
Han sat on the couch by her side and whispered: — You're okay?  
— Yeah. — she said, gently patting her abdomen.   
— I know this "Yeah" of yours...  
— I'm worried. You know it.  
— I know, yes. He screamed at me today, but I was patient and we talked. How's that sound?— Han said, planting a kiss on the hot skin of her neck.  
— Good. Very good. Now excuse me, I'll take a quick bath before the food's ready.  
— Sweetheart? — he called while she got up.  
— Yes, Nerfherder? — Leia replied and turned her head just enough for him to see her smile.  
— Are you really okay? — his tone was more serious than she'd expected.  
— Yeah. I'm just... You know... — he nodded. He knew.  
Since that day, she was increasingly worrying about Ben, and as if related to that, she was miserable with all the types of nausea you could have. She took long baths, claiming that the hot water soothed whatever trouble her stomach was giving, but Han knew it wasn't just for it.   
He didn't want to seem paranoic and/or possessive, but she was hiding something from him.  
He didn't wanted to know unless Leia herself decided to talk, so that was what he did.

Partially emerged on the tub, Leia scratched vigorously on her little notebook. She liked to use paper, and it'd be harder for Han to read all of it, because: 1- it was in Alderaani, and 2- all of their accounts were in sync, so she had to write somewhere else.

Luke was always far away, so far that sometimes Leia felt all alone; but he was always close, at the same time, like a good smell of someone's clothes that never went away. She could feel his emotions, and he could feel hers.  
That morning, he called, startled (for a Jedi Master) and she cried over the comm with him, while Han took Ben to the park, to make him feel better and more calm. And then he suddenly was at her side, or it felt like it, like she had him after all.   
Luke was convinced that training could help Ben. Leia was divided. Han completely hated the idea.  
So she started this research. And to communicate with her brother in secret, just to understand more of what was happening with her son; just to help him.   
The Jedi would search everything he could in ancient books and with his old masters, and Leia would do the same on Psychology books and every type of useful material she could find.  
She'd thought she was crazy for doing that, but sometimes Ben seemed like a completely different kid, angry and volatile. She was, in fact and deep inside, desperate.  
And then... The other problem.  
Luke's message:   
\- And how's the baby?  
Leia typed fast on her device.   
\- I don't know much about it, but I'm vomiting constantly. And when I sad constantly it's like 79 times a day.  
Luke:  
\- You have to rest, then. Go have your lunch, we continue tomorrow. I love you.  
\- I love you, too.  
She stared at her datapad and her notes, furiously written in three or four pages just for today. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, and she slipped and immerged her head on the hot water.

That night, Han appeared to be very worried with all of the 9 times Leia got sick. So he carried her from the bathroom floor to their bed. And...Oh, she didn't complained.  
— You know that I'll probably got up very soon. — she said with her eyes closed. Han couldn't remember a day were she looked so pale.   
— I'm starting to get worried about all this, sweetheart. Maybe you have to... You know...  
— Visit a doctor? Yeah... Maybe. Like to start a prenatal care. — she laughed.  
— Why are you laughing? — he asked; his fingers dangled in her hair.  
— It's just that... With Ben I was so, so worried. But now I'm very, very busy, and I know how it works, it's normal... All that.  
— You're right, but.- she cut him off by running to the bathroom, he came after and she grabbed his shirt, airless. — Okay, breathe, Leia. Breathe. Leia? Breathe now, okay? Hey! — she closed her eyes and lost the strength. He held her and could swear she was not breathing right. Then she grabbed his shoulder strongly and her chest rose in a desperate attempt to find oxygen. Han, completely desperately, closed her nostrils with his left hand and breathed into her mouth for a couple times.  
— Oh, sith... — Leia breathed, exhausted.   
— What for the seven HELLS just happened?  
— I don't know... I... It was like... — she waved her hands on the air, mimicking something Han couldn't quite understand.  
— I'll take you to the hospital. Now.  
— Oh, do not start with this! — she said angrily, panting.  
— I'm not asking you for permission, your Worshipfullnes!  
— You're going to leave Ben here?  
— He's coming with us! And that's final.  
— It's late, you moron!  
— I don't care! You scared the hell out of me, Leia! — he sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, his hands scratching his face angrily. — Please. And you know I never say please... I'm saying it now.

They woke up Ben, at midnight, and changed his clothes, and their clothes, and Han drove to the hospital, witch Leia thought as an enourmous waste of time.  
And hour later, the doctor, a middle aged woman with short hair, entered the emergency room.  
— Good night, or should I say... Good morning?  
— Good morning.   
— Good night.  
— Hi.  
Han, Leia and Ben said, respectively, and at the same time. The doctor laughed gently and approached Leia, reading her medical records.  
— Leia Organa... It's a pleasure to meet you. — she reached out and Leia took her hand. — And you too, Han Solo. — he nodded. — It's Ben, right? You can have a few candies, but just a few, ok?  
— Okay. — he smiled and took the glass jar of the doctor's desk.  
— Please, call me Leia.  
— As you wish. Let me see, getting sick all the time, but... What were your symptoms? What brings you here at one in the morning?  
— I'm pregnant. But my husband insisted on this, because I got slightly breathless. — the room was filled with the stubbornness of Leia's voice.  
— Okay. Let me check your vitals.  
The doctor placed the device on her chest ever so gently, then in her back. She catch her eye for a second and her expression seemed a little worried. Then she checked on her blood pressure, and sighed.  
— Look, fourteen is very high for someone with your size. Let's check on the baby.  
With that, Han shot a deadly glare at Leia, who avoided his eyes and looked at Ben, who was eating his nineth candy.  
— Please, open your tunic a little. Thank you.  
Leia's hands were trembling over the hard fabric, then she opened, revealing the soft and pale skin of her abdomen.  
— That's your first look? — the doctor asked, sensing the tension in both of them.  
— Yeah.  
— So keep calm and relax. Take a deep breath for me... It's cold. Right. Oohh, look at that! — she pointed with her free hand while the other pressed the device and moved gently over Leia's skin. She was having crazy goosebumps just for looking at the monitor.  
— Look, Ben. It's...  
— What is this? — he said, attentively pointing out. Han looked at him and smiled, but he was suddenly focused at the blurred image.  
— It's the baby! — the doctor answered. — There's no way to know the sex yet, of course, but it looks healthy. It's growing at the schedule, I can guess, but you not seem to be gaining enough weight. But that's just my humble opinion, I'm not your doctor. — she said, turning off the device.   
Leia closed her eyes tiredly for a second before getting up to clean the gel off her midriff. She could sleep right there for sure.

— Sir, can I have a moment with her? — the doctor asked politely. Han took Ben's hand and walked away from the small room. Leia took a long breath.  
— What is it, doctor? — she asked sincerely and her throat betrayed her fear.  
— Nothing. Yet. But it won't last long if you continue it like this. Your pressure it's sixteen and I just lied because... I don't even know... Look... You most know about preeclampsia and everything.  
— Of course.  
— Do you want to keep the baby? — she asked so sincerely that it made Leia shiver.  
— Difficult times, but... Yes, I do.   
— So rest, and eat real food, not those horrible "nutritional" bars and stuff like that. You've had a minor respiratory failure, okay? That's dangerous. You're pushing to hard.  
— I'm...  
— I know. — she said, touching Leia's shoulder.— Many people come here, and they have the same problems: too many responsibilities and too little time. But I'm not saying "Quit your job", I'm saying "Calm down and don't push yourself to the limit." —  
Leia gave her a weak and teary smile. — I know that you're doing your best, and you got scared by my severe sincerity. — she smiled again, a little more calm.   
— Okay. Thank you, Doctor. And, if I may ask you...  
— I won't tell anybody. Don't worry.  
— I appreciate that.  
— Take care, Princess. — she said, after she got up to leave.  
— Leia, please. — she insisted. They both smiled.


	3. Mother

— Imagine a little electric discharge on your body. And that weird feeling you have when you eat to much, plus being just a little drunk.  
— Hm?   
— Yes. — Leia explains. Her husband nods slowly, not sure of what he was supposed to say. — That's exactly how I'm feeling.  
This was an attempt to explain to him how the Force works (again). But even so he didn't got it (again). He stared at her blankly.  
— My point is... I think, well, I know, it's coming from here. — she gestured at her abdomen. He can see it now, the little curve stretched out firmly on her pale skin.   
— I see... — he responds, frowning. She's been unbelievably distracted these days, and impossibly attuned with everything, everyone, at the same time. Like knowing that his cake was burning at the kitchen... When she was at the Senate!(?) So Han sat down with her to ask. ("What the hell, Your Worship?!")  
— You don't see it, lunk. That is pretty clear. — she got up, and walked away with anger, heading to her home office.  
— Look, Leia. You better rest or somethin', you know that, right? — He just hears the door being shut down strongly and knows that it's better not to follow her.  
She walks around for a few seconds, trying to find her datapad. Where it was, again? I don't remember where I put this stupid thing! She thinks. But her angry search is interrupted by a sudden and strong need to sit down. She feels drained.   
Her large desk supports her weight. Oh, shit. She breathes deeply, dealing with the stubbornness of her stomach — that refuses to settle down the food. Any food. She can't even have a cup of tea without vomiting. And that's what she does (thankly the trashcan it's not so far away from her). Then she lifts her heat just a little... Her ears pound as she tries to blink away the little colorful dots floating in front of her blurred vision. She closes her eyes again and sits down heavily on the floor.  
As a tissue being sewed, she feels her muscles in complete chaos within her womb. Muscles and hungry bones breeding, sucking their energy as an electric current under her stomach, incessantly in connection with her - an unloosened and confused connection - which left her completely exhausted and starving. She caresses the uproar underneath her skin, wishing she could put her hand inside it and say: "Please, stop."  
A flutter leaves her skin trembling. Her whole body trembles for a moment. She feels drained. Warmed, loved, but drained. The warmth and the love maybe comes from some(body)where else, but the tiredness and hungry are clearly from herself.  
Is she herself?  
Oh, yes, I'm Senator Leia Organa, last Princess of Alderaan, war hero... Etc... But if you'll excuse me I have a whole child to knit. Thank you.  
With that, she smiles. These hormones are making me a crazy chick. And this connection is for sure making me nuts. Oh, the nausea. It always comes back, isn't it? Especially when she doesn't have lunch.   
She can feel the process of generating a child inside of her body but couldn't figure out that she needed to eat.  
Priorities straight, right?  
— Han? — she screams.  
— WHAT? — he replied so angrily that it made her shiver.  
— FORGET IT.   
Just a few minutes later, the door opened, revealing her husband with some kind of tissue wrapped in his hand. She could see the blood all over his fingers and some on his shirt, also.  
— Sorry. I cut my hand.  
— Let me see. — she responded, worried, getting up from the floor. — How did you...?  
— 'S nothing. I was just making you a sandwich.  
Leia laughed, and when she did she felt at ease for a moment.  
— Great! Did you brought the sandwich?   
— No, no... I'll have to make it another one because when I finished it... Ben just... Took with him.  
— He stealed MY sandwich? — Leia said, mimicking incredulity as her smile got a little brighter. She put her hand on his arm and sighed. — I urgently need to eat, tough.  
— I know. Let's go.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week later

Ben was not used to this. This soft and annoying sound (it's that a sound?! He'd ask) that never went away.  
It was like the Falcon's engine, but lighter, and sometimes he barely heard, sometimes it was loud.  
He was playing quietly on the yard when he closed his eyes and listened attentively. It wasn't right... The sound... It was different, out of beat; Ben didn't know how could he explain the tiredness of the sound, of his stretched out feelings towards his surroundings.  
But then he remembered.  
"Ben, I'm leaving for just a few days.  
I hate when you leave.  
I know. I'm sorry about that, but I have to go. Uncle Chewie needs my help.  
Okay.  
And I have to ask you something. You're a little man now, and I need you to keep your eye on your mother. Take care of her, okay? And the baby. Call me if anything happens, and if you feel something weird, go check on her. Please.  
Okay."  
He ran to the living room, were he found his mother, with legs crossed, three or four datapads around her, one in hand, the others scattered over the floor just like herself. She wore shorts and a light blue shirt under her open tunic that was clearly too big for her.  
He ran towards her to sit on the floor, the closer he could get to her.  
— Careful. — she warned, looking at the expensive devices and his little foot passing a centimeter away. He sat down, legs crossed almost exactly like her, but more graciously, he held his knees and waited. She turned off the datapad on her hand. — What is it? Are you hungry?  
— Nope. — he started to get tense, because he didn't even know why he was there.  
— What was you playing? — she asked, smiling a little.  
— Hoth! — he replied excitedly.  
— Uh, cold! Very cold. Not so appropriate for today. — she waved at the afternoon sunlight escaping the curtains and filling the room.  
— Yeah... — his mother touched his shoulder affectively.   
— What is worrying you, Ben? — she asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

— I'm feeling... It's... I can't.  
— Tell me. — she demanded in her gentlest voice. — I know that you're here for something.  
— I... — he started, then he grabbed her hands and held between his, closing his eyes and reaching out to her. She was always so easy for him to feel, whenever he was, her scent was always there.   
So she felt him too, but Ben didn't wanted that. He wanted Leia to feel herself. He guided her carefully and her hands scaped his when she felt...  
Distressed.  
The soft humming; different.  
She opened her eyes and stared at the boy.  
— How could you feel? And I... don't?  
— I don't know, dad told me to take care of you. I was paying attention.  
— Paying attention — she repeated sadly and suddenly nauseous. She tried to keep her breathing steady.   
— Mommy? Are you feeling sick? — he asked, getting up and reaching for her hand.  
— Just a little, I'll be fine. Come here, sit with me. — she pulled him back, and stroked his hair as he sat closely. She placed her hand over her navel, were a small but spreading ache was pressing on. Oh, God. I have to rest. She thought while closing her eyes and still holding Ben.   
— I'll get something for you, to eat.   
— Okay, thanks. — He came back in half a second with a piece of cake and her tea, that was always hot and ready on a bottle, to settle her nausea. — Thank you.  
— Are you better? — Ben asked when she took the first sip.  
— Not yet. — she responded, laughing a little of his impatience. Ben reached out with his hand kindly and hugged her waist. Leia inhaled his hair's scent and smiled lightly... — Hey.  
— What, momma?  
— How do you feel about having a baby in the house?  
— Some boys on my school have siblings, and my teacher's wife just had a baby... He always says he doesn't sleep anymore. We won't sleep anymore? — he asked sincerely, almost scared.  
— It's not like that, but... You were tough. You won't sleep until we walked with you to the hangar, and Han would turn the Falcon on, then you slept. Sometimes we even sang to you, we tried everything. Literally everything, to make you sleep. — he listened attentively, so she continued. — But every baby is different, so maybe this one will be easier.   
— So you'll like her better than me?  
— No, Ben! It's not like that, you're my son, you silly... I love you so much! I really, really love you, okay? Don't you ever think about...  
Wait, her?   
— Yeah, my sister.  
— My love, how could you know? It's... Early. — she asked, confused and intrigued as she looked at him.  
— She feels like you. Like... Dad feels like dad. Right?  
— What?  
— She feels like... A girl.   
— Oh, I see.   
She was silent for a moment, then she grabbed his hand kindly. — Can you feel her?  
— Yes, I can. Like I said. — he replied, deadpan.  
— Close your eyes, breathe slowly... Can you feel? The bones, fragile bones and... The heartbeat.  
— It's quick.  
— Yeah, it is! — she adjusted his hand, pressing lightly under her shirt, he pulled his fingers away from each other and gently squeezed her skin. — Can you feel it moving?  
— I don't know. Does it move?  
— Sometimes, when I'm quiet I can feel it better, but it moves very, very lightly. It's early, she's little yet.  
— She feels good. — he announced, and Leia felt the baby she was carrying really kick for the first time, under her son's hand, a lazy and yet small movement that made tears pour out as she smiled, marveled with the lifes they've created. Ben jumped a little. — Weird. Your belly turned, she's...  
— Kicking you.  
— That's not nice! — he immediately said, madly.  
— No, it is! She likes you. She felt you, like you felt her.   
— Oh, okay, then. — He said with a naive smile, stroking her skin gently as a goodbye gesture. — Can I watch my cartoons now? — he asked with a cute voice that Leia knew it was designed to make her agree with everything.  
— Yes, son. I'll take a nap in the couch so, please, don't set the house on fire again.  
— It was just one time, momma! Stop bringing this up, please.  
— Impossible! — she laughed. — It was the funniest thing I've seen, you, running and screaming. "Aaaahhh, fire! Fire! It's on fire!" — she continued laughing and scratched her fingers on his hair. He turned the holotv on and she laid on the couch.  
Leia didn't know how many times she slept on the couch, but certainly not more than five. She hated, because it was delicious when she laid, but getting up always made her regret. Her blurred vision adjusted itself and she saw the holotv. Off. Black screen.  
— Ben? — she murmured, in a sleepy voice.  
— He's sleeping. — she heard Han saying, then she jumped weirdly to look for him.  
— Shit! You weren't here when I fell asleep.  
— Yeah, I... I know that.   
— Kriff, I'm still sleeping, apparently... — she opened her arms and he sat down closely. — I've missed you.  
— I've missed you too, honey. — he inhaled her scent. Flowers and spice, at the same time. That was the best way he could describe it. He took her in his arms.  
— You know that I hate when you do that.  
— I know. That's why it's so funny. Let's go to bed.

Leia brushed her hair slowly. It was a calming ritual for her, like always, but her senses were focused somewhere else. It was like an effervescent ticle that made her lower abdomen feel hot. That kind of persistent feeling that obliges a touch, and so she obeyed, without thinking much, dropping the hairbrush over the table and pressing her palm firmly on her midriff.  
Han looked at Leia with a smile. Her perfect brown hair, falling over her shoulders and face, that held a kind and thoughtful expression. She sensed, of course.  
— I can't believe it.  
— Neither do I.  
— It's moving, already.  
— Are you sure?  
— Ben felt it.  
— Oh, hell! Really?  
— I swear you... — Leia looked at him. Her pale face was severe and worried.  
— Are you nauseous?  
— I'm always nauseous. Don't even ask.   
— Come here sweetheart. — he urged, opening his arms. She sat next to him. — Don't be so worried... Try to enjoy it.  
— Enjoy? Han! It's a kid, not a toy!  
— I know! Kriff, Leia! Look at you! So bitter.  
— What? I am bitter? You... — she sighed heavily.  
— I'm just so nervous about you. You're never relaxed, you can't talk about it, you can't face the reality of this... I'm worried.  
— I can do all that. I can. Okay? I'm just...   
— Look... I'm sorry. — he sighed. — It's your body and I know it's a lot a change.  
— Oh, do you? — she offered him an accusatory smile.  
— No, I really don't. Not until this turns into a real baby. — he gestured at her abdomen, waving his hands.  
— I'm pretty sure it's real. — she said with a silly smile, pulling her shirt up. He looked at it, then smiled.  
— Look at you... It's...  
— Yeah, it is! Right? It's like she wants to be seen.  
— She?  
— Ben claims she's a girl.  
— Well... May I?   
— Yeah, I'd be good. — she said warmly as his hand slipped over her skin. Han's fingers traced the length of the slightest swell there.   
— Don't worry kid, we got you. — he said, looking down. — Right? — he shot a suggestive look at Leia.  
— Yes, that's right. — she said under her breath. After a moment, she said. — Hey, I'm... Ah... I better lay down a little bit.  
— You're okay?  
— Yeah. I don't think I'm going to throw up, that's good, right?  
— It is. — he said, as they laid together on the bed, turning the lights off.  
— I think Ben likes her. He's worried about it.  
— Of course he does, Lei. He's going to be a good brother.  
— And will I be able to take care of both? — she asked, turning to look at his face, illuminated with the dim moonlight.  
— You don't have to. That's what husbands are for. — she sighed.  
— You know what I meant.  
— I do. — he said, snuggling closer and kissing her neck.  
— I told Mon a few days ago.  
— Oh, yeah? Why didn't you tell me?  
— I was too nauseous to bother about that.  
— And she?  
— She's supportive... She's like a... Uhh, why I can't just say it without crying?!  
— Sweetheart... — Han said lovingly. She turned to look at him through the darkness of their bedroom.  
— I miss my mother, Han. I miss her so much... And I just wanted to... — she breathed and felt her lips tremble as she cried like a child. — To take our kids to the palace. To run there like I did... The'll never... I'll never have this. It's gone, it's all gone.  
— Yeah, I get it... — he said, caressing her arm. — Don't hold this back, it's hurting you. Talk to me. — he demanded, turning the on the lampshade. He took a second to look at her reddened face and offer a understanding smile.  
— I'm sorry.  
— Don't be sorry, Leia. You're a human, you can cry, you can feel sad... It's okay.  
— I wanted my mother to hold my baby. To give me advice. I wanted things there are so simple... Like, to see a Candlewick flower again.  
— The ones that glow in the dark?  
— It don't really glow, it's more like luminescence. And it was beautiful, like my mother. My father used to walk with her to the garden all the time. — she smiled faintly, then started crying even more. Han hugged her tightly, wishing that he could bring Alderaan back; but the only thing he could do was to soothe her grieve.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, give your review.


End file.
